cassieland

2002-07-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

sorry, I forgot a thousand things. Well, i would write, or especially sketch. My father threw out my sketch book with all my drawings because it had runes on the front. They also read and threw away all my poetry books, besides all my candles and inscense, because they dont like that.. Thats ok, all my spell books they didnt find, besides my runes, and angela still has all my ingredients at her house. I didnt feel like carrying them out, my laziness has served me well. Well, i can guarentee one thing, you guys might not recognize me by the time they let me out. Ha, youll know by my speech impedements though, he he, o yeah, and i ahve a laugh too. peace

2002-07-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

Today was extremely boring. I couldnt sleep until 800 this morning because im scared of my room. I had to weed every garden at my house, part of my punishment, though somehow I find that pretty ironic. I started writing a book to keep the time going. My road test is tomorrow, but im not allowed to take it. My parents said they dont want me to have the freedom to go where I want. Thanks for the support everyone, I really appreciate it. My parents are really exagerrating with this one. They made me take a drug test bcause they said they found evidence of me doing crack and cocaine in my room. Jesus christ, ive never touched either of those. My father said he wasnt circling your house angela, he couldnt find it. (look, im still standing up for them, lol) well, im gonna find soething to do for the next 8 hours or so, because like i siad, i cannot even go in my room in the dark. It seriously looks like an asylum, its all white and bare, i HATE it. I want my things back.. Oh yeah, Mouse, i would move in with my mom, but she said she doesnt want me. Go figure. Talk to you all when I can
bye

2002-07-25T03:15:00.000-07:00

yeah, well things just keep getting better, let me tell you. My room STILL looks like an asylum, i havent slept in a few days because its scary. Im sorry about my dad, oh yeah, i told him agelas mom didnt know anything because i didnt want her to get in trouble. REALLY SORRY. I took a whole lot of pills last night, i had my notes and everything, and i fell asleep, thinking i just wouldnt wake up. But nooooooo i just threw up all over everything, i did it to piss my parent soff. I tried to call my mom today, because my other mom told me too, but then i told her i was gonna move in with that one, and she ripped the phone away from me and tried to hit me and i said, "keep your fucking hands off me", and i would never normaly say stuff like that. Then i was trying to leave with my bags and just walk somewhere, and my mom cuaght me and ripped my favorite shirt and cut my back with her nails. I dont know what to do, my life is destroyed, and all my possesions are gone. I cant see you guys, what else is there man? They also think im a satan worshiper because of my rune book, they threw that away too. ill think of something, im smart enough, jesus christ, they never comended me for that either. I hate it here, and i want to go to a place where people worry about me and not thier reputations with the rest of the family. About the dealers, DO NOT TELL HIM ANYTHING, just say we get it from random places, i dont want anyone in trouble because of me. Besides that, they are being pretty nice about the whole thing. talk to you when i can- peace

2002-07-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

Hey, well, the crappiest thing in the world just happened to me. While i was at angela's last night, my parents gutted my room, found weed, and threw out everything in my room. All i have is a bed and a table, all my candles, posters, glowing the dark stars, lights, everything, is in the garbage. Bob head was thrown out, my tin, all my things. Im not allowed to talk to anyone until my COUNSELING, thats right counseling, is over. Thats just great, just when my life is finally satisfying it gets wrecked again. Thats ok, I have a plan, SORRY EVERYONE ahead of time, love you all, bye.

2002-07-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

alright, i purposely left a part out of my last post because i didnt want to get too upset. Jason is over with, im done, and i havent told him how i feel yet. I went o his party, and well, i sat there and watched him talk to everyone else except me. I wouldve said something, but I get so damn nervous over people i really like a lot. I want to call him today and just tell him, "hey, how are you, by the way, i love you", but i cant do that. How could I, i actually thought i had a chance with this one. Im always the friend, you know? not the friend of the guy, but the friend of the girl that gets all the guys, and jason actually showed interest for once, and i lost him. It sucks, ill get over it of course, and find someone else, im certainly not gonna have a nervous breakdown, or cry, at least not in front of anyone, so it doesnt matter at all. I will get over it, i always do, this one just mfght take a little bit longer thats all.
cassie

2002-07-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

alright, sorry its been so long, but i had no access to a computer. Everything has been real hectic. I slept over angela's two nights ago, and everything was very confusing. MOuse, dan, and steve-o all went to brians, well i did too(but only for a few minutes), and said they would be back in a half hour, they were gone for like three, and that was good because angela and I got hung up trying to pick up this josh kid. He ended up bringing 10 other guys with him, one of which who sold me very nice weed i might add, in large amounts as well, and we all smoked up. Then we went driving around, smoked a blunt in a park, and josh thought we were insane. By the time we got back, josh p was sad about jessika, steve-o was hiding in the car, and dan and michelle were in angela's room :). I had no idea, not even a clue, what was going on, but i was to tired to care/ By the time i got up in the moring everyone was gone. We also had a talk with mouse, who seems to be quite sad lately. We asked her why she never just wants to hang out with us, only if other people, usually guys, are around. She said it was because me and Angela seemed so close, but i feel i love mouse as much as i love angela, but now everything is back to normal again between us three. Im very happy because i hate having tension there, it sucks a lot. I went to bingo today, nothing is more aggrevating or more stroke-causing then fucking BINGO. Jesus christ, its IMPOSSIBLE to win unless your and 80year old woman with a nasty grudge against teen agers with face piercing, or people named Cassie. Jesus christ, speaking of that, on my new account they wouldnt let me use Cassielaaa, because it has the word ass in it, so my new e mail adress is Cazielaaa, and i hate it. And my parents got home today, i already want them to go back on vacation,i can feel the wave of mini stokes already , ill probably be quarentined for the next few days, but angela and michelle give me a call. Well i gotta go, peace

2002-07-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

Angela and I just got back from the beach. It was real fun,and we almost beat the shit out of these 13 year olds who kept asking us if we were gothic. HA, yeah right! I am real worried about my mom because she has no money -because she has no job. IT SUCKS, she seems pretty sad. I am also quite worried about mouse, she seems quite depressed and withdrawn from everyone whenever i see her. I believe i will ask her abou that later. As for Right now i am very tired and hungry, and nervous because my lovely mother and friend angela have decided to nag me until I page Jason. I havent spoke to him in quite a bit of time,but its ok,because i really wanna see him. My mother also found out from ANGELA, that we went out with Jason at three o clock in the morning and that me and him were cudling. She was so excited, she is convinced iw will marry him someday. But anyway, i hope we do something tonight, but right at this moment, cassie needs a nap. peace :)

2002-07-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

ok, i know its been like five minutes, but i forgot like 80000 things. Jason is back from the mountains, which makes me feel like a dumass because i was all upset that he hadnt called me, but he was mountain climbing with noooo electricity. Woops! Yesterday me and mouse snuck away and went for a walk, without telling anyone, but they didnt really seem to notice anyway, i feel hated. Just kidding. Dan hurt me like a thousand times, and then started cuddling with angela and mouse, during which he hurt me (by accident of course), like another thousand times, thats why i was a bit irritated. Then we went for another walk with everybody, and i felt like i was in a parallel dimension or something. Dont laugh, angela and i saw the same things. We saw a giant prehisotic looking bird swooping in and out of trees. Little running white things and a person-gremlin peeking out from behind a bush. Listen, i was so scared i actually ran. I dont think you understand, I RAN, me, cassie, MOVED QUICKLY, it was a miracle, i didnt even know i could do that! I must admit i have QUITE the imagination, but damn, we saw the same things man. Yeah, so it was pretty damn fun, im sure seeing me run was enough entertainment for everyone else, heh, it was great. It greatly amused my head. I dont even know what the hell im typing! Jesus,i just amused my head? nothing else........

2002-07-12T18:34:00.000-07:00

Im at my mom's house right now. It is actually really fun and stuff. I went angela's yesterday, and it was pretty fun, except i felt kinda antisocial. I didnt mean to be at all, but i was just getting aggrevated for some unknown reason. Maybe because i was making myself feel a little left out, but i highly doubt that was the main reason. I just got some new kind of cloves, mmmmm delicous. It makes my mouth taste llike candy, and, my friends, candy is very good. I may go over to angela's again tonight, because the little mexican is there, (except he is bigger than me), and he is nice. Dustin was at Angela's yesterday too, he is very nice, but i dont think he understands our humor very well, maybe because we are a bunch of freaks, but funloving ones so it doesnt matter at all. Well, i have to go see if angela called, see ya soon whoever is reading this peace.

2002-07-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

I went to angela's last night , that was pretty fun i guess. When i was happy last night, i was soooo happy, and when i was sad i turned into a depressed lunatic. It was strange,to say the least. me and angela must have smoked fifteen bowls last night, and my friends, that is a lot of bowls to be smoking. I felt real bad because i wanted to spend time with mouse too, but she was sleeping, and i didnt want to leave her and go to the beach without her . And then when i was gonna go to the school with everyone, i really didnt feel well, and i stayed by myself. I have also turned myself into a chain smoker, THATS GONNA STOP!!!!!!!, i swear. I must have listened to Crash a thousand times yesterday, and it made me think of how much i love Jason, and how easily he has forgotten me already. It doesnt make one feel too special. I can sense some tension between my mother and I ,but I dont know what I did yet so I will keep quiet that’s the safest plan at least. Angela made a movie of me, and its weird because i look so different to other people then i do to myself, i wonder if i have always had this distorted self image. It would suck if I have, now i have to get used to myself all over again, what a pain in the ass. Dan was really drunk too, he is so cuddly, and even though i hate hugging, he is pretty hugable, Maybe its the ears, but who knows? I think angela and mouse might make a "surprise" visit over here later, but well see.
* sleep well *

2002-07-05T15:18:00.000-07:00

sorry it has been so long, but ive been up to a whole bunch of things. My restaurant closed, now i dont have a job, and ive become a chain smoker. After these three shorts i have left, I AM NOT SMOKING HEAVILY any more, because, well, it smells and i hate people who smell. I have not heard from jason, i am done with shoplifting too, i really wanted those books man :), but i cannot continue to do that. Yeah, jason has forgotten me i think, and that sucks, because i love him a lot. That always happens to me though, so im really not surprised at all. I got kicked out of my house for a day and a half, ooooooh, but my dad talked to me today, and its lright, not lovely, but livable. I got my report card back, 95 average, but i still didnt do well on my fucking SATs, what the hell!!! no scholarships for me, and i need one, and it sucks. I decided that Dan probably doesnt hate me, and Brian helped me out a lot on the 4th, thanks! I am really glad i met mouse and angela and brian and dan this year, i even like them, and they are my friends. How odd that is for me! have been real happy lately, not even because of all the weed i have been smoking, but because most things have been going real well for me. I dont worry that much anymore, and im not shy around thousands of people. I really see some chemistry between dan and mouse, maybe not love wise, but its there. . Well i have much more to say, but i cannot remeber anything, i dont even know why, but im hungry and i know that, (big suprise- IM THE FATTEST), make love, not war, and sleep well.

2002-06-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

Hey, look mouse im updating. This has been a pretty crazy week. I just got home from angela's yesterday, we stole her mom's car and went to pick up jason. He asked me out FINALLY, and i told him he has a girlfriend, and he said if they break up would i, and I said he has to break up with her to find out. he loves me, (yeah right), it was real fun. We found this weird ass creepy cemetary and hung out in it, but it wasnt the same without mouse there. The day before that i went to a cemetray and a really rich hotel with them two, it was pretty damn fun. We got stoned and talked to dead people, what a way to begin summer. When i went with angela, jason, and peter the petifile, (take that literally), we got lost and drove around for three hours. It was great, it really was. Still wish mouse would have come, but she was at her grandma's, and thats always fun. Yesterday i had no ride home either, but Brian came to the rescue, and i got lost again,, but then i knew where to go. It was really nice of him to do that. I have a wonderfully magnificent feeling about this summer man, its gonna be lovely. peace and love :) (not in a thug voice)

2002-06-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

I went to michelle's with Angela, Maria and Dan. It was pretty funny the whole time, Dan was real real happy. Until i had to go home. I have never felt so guilty in my whole life, he was freaking out. I actually cried at the gas station , i havent cried in front of another person since fifth grade. What the hell? I went to buffalo wild wings with brian and michelle and Josh and angela. I was a bit freaked out because brian gets extremely HIGH, thats right Brian was HIGH off of caffiene. What a freak head, but i love him anyway. Angela broke up with Kunt rag, i was excited. Yeah, i am still sooooo upset about Dan driving home, he was so scared. I dont want to do that to anyone, i cant believe i was that stupid. Jesus Christ it would have been my fault if everyone had died, not his. I really cannot brood on that one anymore or ill get sick. Sooooo.... finally my exams are over, and i slept for probably seven hours today. It was lovely, Jason was blatantly hitting on me all day thursday, and I was too stoned to react well. I was all red and probably green from all the marijuana, who knows? I quite enjoyed work thursday, yes i did. we'll see what happens. Im not rushing anything, i mean, well, i want to, but im not going too. I really think that someone likes Michelle a real lot, we all know who i think it is so ill save them from the embaressment of putting thier name on here. I am reading the Three Musketeers , and it is one of the best books i have ever read. Im all into it and stuff, o i wish i lived back when it was ok to duel people you didnt like, how fun would that be? "I challenge you to a duel bitch", and then you could swordfight, how intriguing. (I cannot spell that), well im gonna go eat dinner, peace :D

2002-06-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

Brian's head is shaved, he looks like a thug, and im sad about it. My mom, (satan), caught me smoking up after work and threw me outta the house by my hair. I have a lot of hair, so it didnt really matter at all. In fact, at the time, i thought it was hilariouas, she was sooooo red. Just like satan, because, well, thats who she is anyway.I got out of my exam late and my mom left me at school because my brother had a doctor's appointment. Ray was there. and he gave me a ride home. Let me tell you how awkward that was... pretty damn awkward, not in a bad way, just a way. He was nice though, he gave me his number and was like, "stop by any time you want, if my car is there, come over", it was cute. I went to the show with mouse and angela and Josh, too bad no darien lake :(, and it was pretty fun. I must stop getting stoned every day, jesus, i act like such a dumbass. Then, besides, i am so tired for exams. I really did have fun though, there was this kid who was absolutely amazing on a bike, and my little tiny cousin was there. (she is actually really tiny, like a midget, well.. almost). I felt so bad for angela because her boyfriend is a big cunt rag to her all the time. Thats right, carl the cunt rag, i said it. I also was feelin for mouse because toohill barely spoke to her, what the hell was that? at least he wasnt a big dick like cunt rag, but he wasnt chatty, everybody sux. MOUSE YOUR MY IDOL, I WORSHIP YOU MAN!!!! feel better??? he, just a little ray of cassieland sunshine to make your day a bit brighter . i still want to see her bus, like a lot, i have things to decorate it with man. Maybe Ill call her, yep, sound like as plan.

I'll take you as you are
I'll dake days as they come
ill take all of these nasty words
and keep them on my toungue

ill believe in god
ill believe in you
if you can prove with reality
that one is good and true.

Cassie

2002-06-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Yeah, remeber how i used to hate touching, the last day of school was "get a hug from Cassie day", i found it kinda amusing though, because i didnt even get a little nauseas, (i have no idea how to spell that). Yeah I gotta call mouse and see if shes going to darien lake, i dont even know if im going, but Jason asks me every time he sees me. Blah, so sick of waiting. I dont want to go to my extremely catholic grandparents house today, im in NO mood for a lecture. "Cassandra, are you still praying to Jesus every day?.... cause if you are not, TO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL WITH YOU MUAHAHAHA!!!!!", wouldnt that frighten you? It sure as hell suprises the shit out of me every time. I dont know what I believe in that respect anymore, If God is real, he is nasty nasty man for the shit he pulled with me, so i dont know what to think. I believe there is something though, but maybe its just the earth herself, who knows. In fact, i wont really care until I die. I dont want to live forever like it says, forever? what a fuckin long time that is, I need to REST and SLEEP forever, that I could handle. But wandering around, even in paradise, would get boring for me after the first thousand or so years, and thats not even close to forever!. I dont know, i guess ill see when im nineteen, according to the 21 dead people that follow me around everywhere, lol, because i TRUST thier phsycic abilities, seeing they are all suicide and homicide victims most likely. Screw that, Im living till im at least 28, i WILL not miss woodstock again. Thats right, I WONT, and i have to get married to, thats just imperitive. Ok well ill see all you guys soon i suppose, bye bye.

2002-06-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wish that i wasnt so shy about "love" stuff. I have been really lonely lately, and i am giving up on jason. I am not to stoned anymore so i can be honest for once. I know that im not beautiful, or anything, believe me there is no way to be disillusioned in this world about that. But any guy who even shows interest in me is always the complete opposite of me, and I know how that works out. I dont even know why i try with this stuff anymore, really, every time has been absolutely terrible. I cannot help but like guys who are addicted to really heavy drugs and like to cheat on me. Why the hell do people do that anyway? I WILL NEVER do that to someone, i would rather die than make someone feel that inadequate. I am also terrified of leaving. How am i gonna handle myself in college? I dont even know how to make macaroni and cheese. dont laugh, im serious. I am really sensitive about not knowing how to cook, because i want to get married so badly, someday. I cant even cook, who wants to marry a girl that cannot cook them dinner? I feel myself slipping again, i was terribly depressed last year. When I say that, i mean my entire being was changed from what i had been before. Im not the same person i was before that even now, and i am generally happy these days. But not today.. How could my mother do that? All she does is lie to me, and steal the guys i am with. Thank whoever is up there again for letting me not live with her. Im not happy with myself, i really dont know what happened to me. I really did used to be a good kid, now im just not. The only thing i have kept for cover is my grades, and im getting lazy with those too. I have ALWAYS been slightly lazy with my grades, but now its terrible. I had a 95 average last quarter, i wouldnt be suprised if it dropped 20 points this one. well, nothing could be as bad as last year, so i am thankful. I am gonna miss everyone next year, especially mouse.Shes a great person and i feel terrible she is so unhappy. If i knew what to do, i would do it. But i dont, and I feel sick about it. by depression, I already . I hope she pulls through, and I know Dan is not happy all the time, not even from his blog either, but no one is that happy all the time. Its impossible, everyone has thier own problems, i know that too. Im terribly sorry for anyone that just suffered through that, ill be back to myself tomorrow, or at least ill put on a good show, promise. I am gonna go paint now, see ya
Cassie

2002-06-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today is Senior skip day, woopdie doo da day, and There is no one here. It is actually kinda cool because the halls feel much safer, and there are no intimedating people like those cowboy kids. I dunno, i got caught skipping too, I accidentally told on myself. Woops! My mom and Dad thought it was so funny, that they let me off with only a week of grounding, and heh, i am having a friend over today. Good job parents. My whole family is in from NC, and its kinda hectic at my house. I had a terrible panic attack and passed out yesterday at work, they sent me home. Jason said he would do the rest of my work for me, so i left and went home to calm down. How am I gonna explain that one without looking like a phsyco path? I have no idea, but ill get over it. That was the worst one i have ever had, my heart felt like it was gonna burst, i dont really know what to do about it, but if i keep passing out ill have to do something. I think its kinda odd that Mouse gets them too, i wonder if certian people are prone to them? Ill find out more, i kinda wish i would have went to the concert with Jessi, if i wasnt grounded of course, I heard Dan Mahone(I have no idea how to spell that) was real entertaining. Hes a cool kid, a junior that is actually not evil, imagine that. I know i exxagerate , reader, but sometimes i feel that way, and thats all that matters i supose, at least for now.we have to go real soon , so i will write lata, excuse me, while i kiss the sky, dun dun dun dund un dun...

2002-06-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well, here i am again! you love me, dont pretend not to. Dont deny your true feelings, reader. Anyway, i am probably gonna ramble o bit because me mouse and josh all skipped again to smoke up at angelas. YEAH, it was pretty fun to be honest, but sometimes i think that i shouldnt do stuff like that. I mean, christ its worth it, but i used to be such a 'GOOD KID", not anymore! Maybe i SHOULD stop, but......Noooooo. I was just kidding, i wouldnt do that! I feel kinda bad because everyone seems kinda sad lately. I had fun today though in chous with mouse and brian and my fake litle brother rob. I definetly had a good jason day yesterday, we didnt fight , and it was cool. I thin k maybe i will marry him someday, but i am NOT a sap, really. Sorry to anyone who reads this who just had to suffer through all that love. Geez i dont even remember what I just wrote. I am gonna leave because a little girl is staring over my shoulder. Bye

2002-05-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

Well fine now i am writing. No offense to anyone who thinks my life is soooooo interesting that i should be writing things. Heh, well to be honest i have like two things i live by. I try not to force my beliefs on other people, and i smoke lots of weed. Other than that its smooth sailing, what an ugly cliche, for cassie. Im new this year, i have finally gotten out of that fiery pit known as holy angels. My mom is a whore, thank god i dont live with her. More like the spawn of Satan, but hey nobody is perfect right? Well, today was pretty cool, i think i already skipped two periods goin on three, o yeah!!!! No one is cooler than me, "kidding, a lot" Everyone seems incredibly depressed today, i am a bit too, for me anyway. My weekend sucked a lot, i got in quite a spat with the guy i love, and it wasnt cool. Of course i didnt talk about it with him though,i just brooded, which made it worse. Ill have to work on that sometime, that whole, "im mad and brooding thing", yeah, i think i will. Im actually realtively over all happy now though, compared to last year. Goodness, i wont even talk abou that , not worth the aggrevation of remembering that!i like people here , they are pretty nice, sometimes quite abrasive, but hey, abrasive is better than evil, obsesive, incredibly belemic angels now isnt it? i can deal with that just fine. Well, its almost time to go, so now i wrote my very first rambling, but slighty relevant blog. I figured i would jut give the reader some backrounf information about living in the magnificent and slightly oblivious world, CASSIELAND luv ya,

2002-05-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

Excuse me, while I kiss the sky.....
you should know who said this (hendrix)